Because of You Dad
by 19sweetgirl96
Summary: Introspective piece between Leia and Vader. T to be safe. Oneshot.


**Because of You Dad (Star Wars Songfic)**

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or the song Because of You sung by Kelly Clarkson.

A/N: I've wanted to do an introspective piece for a while regarding Leia and her fathers. I started it a while ago and I'm glad I'm finally finishing it. Somewhat AU, and it takes place after Endor obviously. It's a bit of a ramble and Leia might seem OOC. I just wanted to write something angsty. I always imagined Leia blaming Vader/ Anakin for a lot. I've also always imagined her as having more potential to be dark than Luke in the beginning.

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_I will not make the same mistakes that you did._

I hear their whispers in the senate. _She's his daughter. Yes, that's right. She's Vader's_. It always came back to him and everything he did. All of the people he hurt and the lives he destroyed. How could any of that have been a mistake? How could that have been something that had accidentally gone wrong?

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery _

_I will not break; the way you did you fell so hard._

Han hints that we should move into a more serious relationship then what we have right now. He's been waiting for years for me to decide I want something more than just the two of us in one of our beds or dates to a formal function. But I don't. I will not make the same mistakes _he _did. I refuse to let myself fall for him the way she fell for him. All it took was a few words from a manipulative sadist and he was a goner.

_I learned the hard way to never let it get that far_

That's not me. I won't let it. I don't want to destroy a family, multiple families. I don't want to betray my friends, my brother. I won't fall as he did. I refuse to end up like he did. I do not want to be the cause for thousands of deaths.

_Because of you I l never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt._

Bail Organa was my father. He taught me how to be safe, how to keep safe from the attention of that thing you called master. I grew up safe, loved. But was that better? No chance for me to test out the swoop bike you would have helped Luke and I build as children, no chance to spar with other younglings, no chance to make an impact as a Jedi Knight.

I was read bedtime stories of princesses who were rescued by their prince. Their prince shouldn't have been a brother saving his sister from their father, but instead a charming man rescuing her from the evil sorceress. I didn't have that.

_Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid. _

_I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out._

Sometimes, when I wake up with Han's arms around me after a nightmare, I wonder where it went wrong. He asks what's wrong, asks what he can do and all I say is nothing. I watch myself push him farther away than he already is.

_I cannot cry because I know it's weakness in your eyes. I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life._

_My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with._

_Because of you… I am afraid. _

My whole life as a child I was taught to be strong so I wouldn't crumble. And it worked. Bail Organa taught me well. When the Death Star hit Alderaan, I didn't cry. I didn't crumble. When Vader—my father—took me back to my cell, I held my head high for my executioners. It would be many days until I finally did cry and years until I realized that once again, something important to me was destroyed because of _him, _the man people called my father. People comment that Princess Leia is always in control, that she's the ice princess of the Rebellion. And I was that and whatever else I needed to be.

Part of me had always been missing as a child. I remember dreaming of a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes and I remember thinking, _he's like me_. When Luke told me at Endor the truth about our family, I understood who I had been dreaming about. It was the brother I never had growing up, the one person who I would never be as close to as we could've been. And when Luke tells me later that Vader is dead, I can't help but think, _Good. He deserves it. _He separated Luke and I forever regardless of the Jedi decisions.

I understand why people are afraid of me. I'm like _him. _I have that darkness that I hide beneath politics and fake, charming smiles. In my moments of weakness, I look into the mirror and only see the gleaming eyes with flashes of yellow and I see the Force presence of another, somebody who lost their way. And I can understand him. That makes me more depressed and scared than anything someone could have said to me because if even I can see the darkness, what's stopping others from seeing it and understanding that they were right to be wary of me? Nothing.

Because of you dad… I am afraid.

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Thanks for reading. I sort of mixed around the lyrics because I'm kind of lazy and was running out of things to write so sorry. I know it's short, but I wasn't really in the mood to write something long. Please leave a review telling me whether you liked it, hated it, thought it was incredibly bad or what. Also some constructive criticism would be great too. I barely ever write because I don't have time so anything helps. I didn't really edit either so sorry.

~19sweetgirl96


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